Day Nineteen

I'm being bludgeoned by schoolwork again! Of course, as usual, all of my big assignments seem to come together like the perfect storm. I have a Biology test Thursday and two papers, one due Thursday, the other on Friday. I guess it's nice of my professors not to have it all fall the week before Thanksgiving break, but still, I'm kind of tearing my hair out.

But despite the heavy load, I got a 25 minute walk in today! I've decided that if I don't do it as soon as I get home from class, it simply won't get done. So I took my new tennis shoes for a test drive (they're sooo comfortable! And so much better than my old ones!) and took three laps around the 'hood. It was a little warm for my taste, but I managed all the same. Great progress there...I'm usually great at coming up with excuses not to exercise, and today I had plenty to choose from. But I just made up my mind and did it and it felt awesome!

I've periodically been observing small details about my current weight loss endeavor that set it apart from past efforts. For example, often when I got on a "health kick" in the past I get waaaaay ahead of myself, imagining all the cute stuff I'm finally going to be able to wear when I get "skinny" and how much easier shopping will be, etc. etc. I count my chickens before they hatch. But I've found that when wearing cute clothes and getting skinny are my ultimate goals, I get frustrated very quickly, because the weight doesn't come off fast enough, and I end up resorting to old habits to console myself. This time around, however, those things are much further from my mind. The goal isn't to achieve an idealistic body type or to have more fun at the mall. It's much bigger and broader than that this time - what I relish in now, I've found, is simply healthier living. The beauty of that is I can see the results of it everyday! I'm rewarded not somewhere down the road, but in the here and now, every time I eat a healthy meal, every time I go out and get exercise. It's amazing, really, because it's a mindset I never though myself capable of adopting. I don't think so much about how great it's going to be when I look the way I want to, but rather how happy my body must be about the excellent treatment it's getting, and how liberating and empowering it is to be actively working, day by day, to improve myself and my life. Even though I haven't lost enough weight to really notice, I see the change in my energy levels, in my optimistic, can-do attitude, in the peace I feel at the end of every day that comes with the knowledge that there's hope for me after all.

And now I'm in tears. Lol. Happy tears, of course! I didn't realize until I wrote that last bit how very little hope I had (up until now, of course) that I could ever get my act together. Again, I don't want to count my chickens, as I'm always very cautious when trusting myself with new "projects," but this doesn't feel like a passing fad to me anymore. It feels like something I can do, that I want to do, that I enjoy doing, and that I can keep doing for life. I'm not saying I won't ever stumble, or that I'm cured of my food issues forever. But I feel more capable of dealing with them now, now that I've discovered my ability to exert control over it. To be able to say that I'm in control of my food, and not the other way around, is something I've never really been able to claim in the past.

I owe a lot of all this to all of you wonderful people that have been reading and commenting. It gives me so much strength to know that the people who love me are with me in this. This is a battle I can't fight on my own, and reaching out has proved to be the most effective weight loss strategy I've ever come up with. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

On a lighter note, I had a lovely grilled zucchini and tomato salad for dinner today, thanks to Kalyn's Kitchen...

Otherwise, I was pretty ho-hum with food today. With all the studying and paper writing I did, I really didn't have time to spare for anything more. This week, actually, might be a little boring foodwise, as I didn't plan anything out (I have to eat up all my leftovers before going home for Thanksgiving!), but I'll try to make at least one thing a day that's picture-worthy. Makes the post look so much more interesting. :)

Here's food:

Breakfast

Kashi Heart-to-Heart - 160

Greek yogurt w/ blueberries - 140

Lunch

Chicken and provolone roll-ups - 223

Gala apple (SO delicious!) - 53

Dinner

Grilled zucchini Greek salad - 197

Snacks

Mini pepperoni - 52

1 tbsp peanut butter - 100

Sugar-free Jell-o (Banana Fudge, yum!) - 60

Total: 985