Day Sixty-One

Oh, boy. I'm up to my old tricks again.

I'm not going to make any excuses: claim Christmas, blame it on being at home, or any of the like. I have to be able to stay healthy in a variety of situations, and if simply coming home is enough to throw me off, I have a lot of work to do!

So it's confession time.

Confession #1: I've only exercised twice since I came home on December 13.

Confession #2: I made an Italian cream cake for our annual DeRosa/Hebrank/Krebs/Linton Christmas dinner. I licked the bowl. Both the batter bowl and the icing bowl. There was also a bowl of M&Ms on the counter while I was baking which I partook of far too frequently.

Confession #3: I had a piece of cake at dinner. A large one. I ate most of it.

Confession #4: The morning after, I ate leftover cake. And leftover mashed potatoes. And leftover M&Ms.

Confession #5: This morning I ate two spoonfuls of leftover cake icing. Thank God Mom threw the cake out.

These confessions are meant to serve the same purpose they would in a religious context. I'm stating my sins, asking for absolution, and beginning again with a clean slate.

I expected to experience a few pitfalls over the holidays, but it scares me all the same, when these old behaviors resurface. Even though I know I can't expect myself to be instantly and permanently cured of my food issues, every time I deviate just a little bit from being healthy I immediately feel like I've failed.

I think the biggest concern I have is not the fact that I ate some cake and mashed potatoes. It's the fact that I did a lot of it in secret, and experienced that familiar feeling of shame after I'd done it. The fear that someone in the house was going to notice that I'd eaten cake. The fear that they would also think I'm a failure.

Therein, I believe, lies the problem. I indulge in secret, and feel ashamed afterwards. These feelings of shame and failure lead to further secretive unhealthy eating, which will eventually result in actual failure.

So. I'm putting my sins out there for everyone to see, and I'm refusing to be ashamed. Instead, I'm going to wipe the slate clean and start again. A couple of days of cake will not ruin me! So we're going to focus on the positives:

Positive #1: While I indulged, I did not binge. In the past, had I been alone with half a leftover cake, another half of it would have been gone before the day was through. After the piece at dinner, I had a few more bites, at most. Mom ended up giving and throwing most of the cake away (the throwing away part at my request!).

Positive #2: I'm not nursing secret shame. At least, not anymore. I'm not letting it get me down. I'm not letting it lead to further bad decisions.

Positive #3: I'm using this slight downfall to facilitate further growth. I want to use this to encourage myself in the future, since I know this will not be the only downfall I'll ever experience.

Okay, so those are the only positives I can think of right now. :) But it's a start. The biggest step for me is putting all this out in the open instead of keeping it to myself and pretending it didn't happen. I know this blog has been my strength and support so far, and I intend to keep it that way!

Plan of action:

1. Get exercise today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that!

2. Go back to counting calories and posting them on the blog every night.

3. Post on the blog every night!

4. Plan meals for the rest of the week. Knowing what I'm going to eat ahead of time always makes for healthier decisions!

5. Don't beat myself up if I indulge in a few treats between now and Christmas. Continue to employ moderation and restraint.

Onward and upward! I know you guys are rooting for me!!

Day Fifty-Eight

I have just been the most terrible blogger lately. I haven't had much to report this past week, as I haven't been cooking like I should, nor eating like I should. Funnily enough, when I say I'm not eating right, I mean I'm not eating enough...a very uncharacteristic position for me to be in, but I've been suffering from on and off nausea and a general upset stomach all week...nothing too serious, but enough to make me not too interested in eating. So, despite the fact that I haven't exercised since Monday (I know, it's terrible!!), I lost another three pounds between yesterday and my last weigh in. While it's always exciting to lose weight, that's not the way I want to lose it. I know my metabolism must be slowing down. But I have a feeling it will be hard for me to fully get back on track until Christmas is over. It's just way too easy to get sucked into vacation mode.

But my goal for next week is to exercise at least three times, even if it's cold, wet, etc. Exercise is truly the key to feeling better about myself. The healthy eating is also good, but the endorphins really make it happen for me. :) So if I can manage three times, I'll be satisfied.

I know I haven't been the best with keeping up with the blog, which I blame on being off my routine, but as soon as Christmas is over I'm going to try to get back to posting every day and keeping up with calories. The good news is, I have stayed very consistent with my eating, at least as far as staying away from non-South Beach things goes! I've been sticking pretty close to phase two. My biggest fight is getting veggies in! We're going back to the grocery store this weekend, so I'm going to try to stock up on a lot of different veggies so I can have some variety. I have been eating lots of spinach, as usual, but I definitely need to branch out some.

So thanks, everyone, for your continuing support! We're going to be doing a lot of cooking for a dinner tomorrow, so hopefully I'll have some great pictures to show. Love y'all!

Day Fifty-Three

Hi guys! Sorry I disappeared! I got a little swallowed by finals week, and I totally missed the fifty-day mark! Things have been going well though...I lost another 3 pounds! I've been slacking off on exercise, though. I only walked twice last week - lazy lazy lazy! I did 30 minutes of DDR today so I can start the week off right. I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of DDR this week if the weather continues to be as cold as it's been.

I've also been baking some yummy things while at home! The other night I made Kalyn's Baked Chicken Stuffed with Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto, Basil, and Goat Cheese which was delicious! Daddy's been scarfing up on it. Here's a picture:

We also made Grilled Spicy Tuna, though I can't take any credit, since Mom did the marinade and Dad grilled it up. It turned out really delicious...tuna is the one kind of fish I actually like. I guess it's the texture - less fishy and more steak-like. It was really good with some sauteed spinach!

I did okay with the cookies at the cookie bake...I had a few but didn't go overboard. I'm feeling pretty confident that I can make it through Christmas without totally going off track. In fact, the longer I keep at this, the more sure I am that I have the ability to stick with it for the long haul. Not every day is a good day, but as long as I get back on track the day after everything seems to work out fine. My goal over Christmas is to maintain, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to keep up the healthy eating for the most part.

I don't have my calorie count together today, but I'll start back with that tomorrow. Thanks everyone, I love you guys!

Day Forty-Six

I'm going to go ahead and admit it.

I want a cookie.

I really want a cookie.

It doesn't help that Karlee has a batch of them sitting on the counter. Or that she made cupcakes today, of all things! And they're just sitting there. Temptingly.

Ugh. But I've been doing really well with resisting...that little voice in my head keeps urging me to just try a little bite of cookie, or take just a little swipe of icing. But my healthy eating voice has been louder so far! I took out some of my cookie frustrations on pounding almonds up for the tilapia I made for dinner, which helped. Cooking something tasty for dinner makes me less anxious for satisfaction through sweets. I also redirected with fat free whipped cream and a kashi bar, which helped a lot. It's a fight though. Guess that's the point, right?

But so far so good. I just keep telling myself that now is good practice for Christmas, when the sweets will be much more tempting!

Besides resisting cookies, I also took my 30 minute walk today, despite the temptation to skip it. It was freezing, and I had other stuff I preferred to be doing, and I had pretty much decided I wasn't going to go. Then I stopped myself, thought "Just take the dang walk, Campbell," and got out there. It was COLD. I wore mittens and a fleece jacket but my arms and thighs were still pretty numb by the time I got back. But it still felt really good to get it done. Especially considering how much I didn't want to! Victory #2.

I made Almond and Parmesan Baked Tilapia for dinner (from Kalyn's Kitchen...what would I do without her?), which was delicious. This means a lot coming from me, as I'm definitely not a fan of fish. I was supposed to use almond meal, but because I didn't have any, I just ground up some almonds I had in the pantry, which worked out fine. Here's a picture:

I also made a variation of Kalyn's South Beach-Friendly Tartar Sauce, but I didn't have any plain Greek yogurt, so I used reduced fat sour cream instead. It was delish!

So that was a treat! I would say, in all, the day went well. I didn't have any pressing homework, I got to take a little break, which was nice. One more week until I'm officially done with the semester!

Today's food:

Breakfast

Egg Mcmuffin - 300 (I know, not my best choice. But I was out of milk and desperate)

Lunch

Scrambled eggs w/ spinach and goat cheese - 233

Veggie sausage links - 80

Dinner

Almond and Parmesan baked tilapia - 230 (approx.)

Grape tomatoes - 9

Sauce - 70

Snacks

Leftover meatballs - 165

Kashi fruit and grain bar - 120

Fat-free whipped cream - 50

Snow cream pop - 45

Cup skim milk - 86 

Total: 1388

Day Forty-Five

So I finally have food pictures! I got to the grocery store and so I finally got some cooking done. I'm also getting schoolwork done piece by piece. Finished the Shakespeare revision, so now I'm onto the Colonial Lit revision!

Here's what I had for dinner yesterday:

Garbanzo bean soup and Swedish meatballs! Both from Kalyn's Kitchen. It was yummy, but I think I did something wrong with the soup, because it was more like hummus...really thick. But the meatballs turned out great! I used lean everything and put a little cinnamon in which added a nice little something.

Tonight I had baked pesto chicken (also from Kalyn's Kitchen) with asparagus. It was really good, even though I used pesto out of a jar and defrosted the chicken in the microwave. :) But it was so easy to do! You just cover the bottom of the pan with pesto, slap the chicken down, cover the chicken with pesto, and throw it in the oven. Then sprinkle a little mozzerella, broil, and you're done! I'll definitely be able to keep that one memorized.

Only thing is, as you can see below, I made way too much. Guess I'm going to have to bring the leftovers home with me! Or make chicken salad.

Oh yeah! I weighed this morning and I'm down another pound. I didn't do as well with exercise this week as I could have, so I'm going to have to get back on track next week. It's harder to get out now that it's getting colder, but I just have to make myself!

Here's today's food:

Breakfast

Spinach and goat cheese omelette - 226

Veggie sausage links - 80

Coffee - 60

Lunch

Leftover meatballs - 265

Sweet potato fries - 182

Dinner
Baked pesto chicken - 189
Lemon Asparagus - 25

Snacks
1 snow cream stick - 45
2 tbsp fat free whipped cream - 25

Total: 1097 (That's nuts, I felt like I ate a ton today!)

You guys are the coolest! Love y'all!

Day Forty-Three

It's Friday! Only 10 more days of the semester and I can actually start my Christmas season! I meant to weigh in this morning, but totally forgot...somehow I got on my Tuesday/Thursday schedule this morning and ended up walking into class 2 minutes late, which never happens to me. I'm always at least 20 minutes early. I swear I'm losing my mind. I've also put open cans of wet cat food in the pantry instead of the fridge twice in the past two days. And I keep leaving out random words when I'm writing. And I keep dropping stuff all over the place. Either this diet is messing with my head, I have a brain tumor, or it's finals season. :) Maybe some combination of the above.

Okay, so back to weight loss related things! I took a 25 minute walk today in between my last class and the writing workshop I went to, which ended up being really interesting. But I didn't make it to the grocery store. So that's happening first thing tomorrow. I think once I get food in the house and get cooking again I'll get the boost I need. I'm especially going to need it with all the Christmas sweets that I'll be surrounded with for the next month or so!

I'm also on the lookout for healthy cookie recipes! Because what's Christmas without cookies? But I'm hoping I can find some low-sugar recipes so I don't feel like I'm overindulging. So we'll see how that works out.

Today's food:

Breakfast
Multigrain cheerios w/ skim milk - 225

Lunch
Nature Valley bar (I know, not the best. But I was stuck on campus and it was the healthiest thing in the vending machine) -190

Dinner
Spinach and goat cheese omelette - 263
Turkey bacon - 70

Snacks
1 tbsp reduced fat peanut butter - 100
Pistachios - 85

Total: 933

Day Forty-Two

So I missed blogging yesterday, as I was up until around 11 finishing my Native lit paper. But I got it done! Today was the last day of Tuesday/Thursday classes, so we're getting very close to the end now. The end of the semester, that is.

I did my 30 minute walk yesterday but skipped it today. I guess I was so happy not to have anything due tomorrow that I just kind of wanted to take the time to catch up with all the other parts of my life that I've had to put on hold for schoolwork! Like cleaning, working like mad on my knitted Christmas presents, and getting some meals lined up for next week. But, as I've observed in the past, I felt like something was missing from my day without my walk. I always feel much better at the end of the day when I've done some exercise. I also meant to get to the grocery store today, but didn't make it. That will have to be for tomorrow! I'm going to a writing workshop that Jackson Pearce is holding at UGA tomorrow until 3, so I might not make it to the grocery store until Saturday, but we'll see.

Anyways, I'm rambling. Unfortunately, I got an attack of cravings today. I think a lot of it has to do with not having certain strategic foods in my arsenal. It really helps to have something like Greek yogurt or fat-free whipped cream or sugar-free popsicles if I have a sudden attack of the sweet tooth. Fruits and veggies for quick snacks. Something exciting to cook for dinner so I feel like I'm spoiling myself. Without those good things I get bored, and the cravings set in. I satisfied the sweet tooth with a tablespoon of peanut butter, but I could feel the munchie feeling coming on pretty strong. So I sat down and kept my hands busy with knitting and I didn't go overboard. But I can't wait to get to the grocery store, because I know it will bolster my morale!

Plus, I know the blog is getting a little boring without pictures! Definitely need to get back to doing that.

By the way, a big huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my little sis! Love you!

Today's food:

Breakfast
Multigrain cheerios w/ skim milk - 225
Coffee w/ creamer - 60

Lunch
Chick-fil-a Southwest Chargrilled Salad - 317

Dinner
Scrambled eggs w/ spinach, goat cheese, and mozzerella - 193

Snacks
1 tbsp peanut butter - 100
3 Turkey bites - 40
Black beans - 55
Pistachios - 85
Box of raisins - 130

Total: 1205