Day 166

So I finally dragged my lazy butt over here to post! I don't know what's been up with me the last couple of days...I haven't been as motivated for some reason. I fell of the wagon a little this weekend and made a dessert. I don't know why I did it. Part of it was because I was home alone (Karlee went home for the weekend) and bored, I guess, and I hadn't had my pills so I was especially powerless against the munchies. But I wasn't sad or otherwise emotionally compromised...my dad was in Athens and we had just had a nice visit.

Going back and analyzing everything, I think a lot of why I caved to the need for chocolate was because I just got wrapped up in the "It's the weekend, I've got the place to myself, I don't have homework, so I'm just going to hang out in my PJs and play computer games and enjoy our weekend sample of Starz" thing. I also think that maybe I was a little lonely, having spent the past few weekends with friends and the fam...so maybe it was a little shock to my system to be left on my lonesome with Gus.

Whatever the reason, I decided I wanted chocolate, and I had a deadly combination of ingredients in my pantry: flour, eggs, sugar, butter, and cocoa. All you need for a wickedly delicious fudge-y pie/cake.

The good news is that I halved the recipe. Then, upon regaining my senses a little bit, I served myself a sensibly sized slice and dumped the rest in the trash before I had the chance to eat it. So that, at least, was a triumph.

I guess it just goes to show that one is never cured of food addiction. Luckily, I didn't "get drunk"or go on a binge. I think I've definitely learned how to have more control over my eating. But it still felt pretty bad, after I had done it, like I had committed a major diet crime.

So I had to talk myself through it and reassure myself that I had merely stumbled, not fallen. One slice of chocolate pie/cake was not going to ruin me! The important thing was that I threw it away and snapped back to good habits the next day.

I didn't want to talk about it on the blog, though. But I knew from the get-go that it was important that I share my boo-boo with everyone rather than pretend it didn't happen. Posting about it has made me realize that, in the grand scheme of things, one bad weekend will not ruin me. Bad days will come. As long as I can let those bad days go and move on with getting healthy, we're good! But I'm glad I'm putting it out there, instead of letting it simmer on my conscience for the next two weeks. The shame and the sneaky mindset I often have towards eating is what fuels a lot of my problems, so I'm determined to nix it!

So I got back on track today by getting out for my walk. It was a beautiful, if a little chilly, day, and I savored it, knowing that it will probably be the last day below 80 until October. I also cooked yesterday and today, and made some super yummy meals! I've enjoyed recipes from Steamy Kitchen for the past couple of days. Monday I made Chicken Sausage with Apple Slaw, which was great! I bought Trader Joe's Andouille chicken sausage, which was spicy and delicious. Here's a picture:

Then tonight I made Chicken Caprese, with a simple greens and avocado salad on the side. Yum!

We're getting back on track. One step at a time. I weighed in last Friday and was only down .2 pounds, and I'm not hopeful for this Friday, considering that this week will mainly be damage control. But I'll get it together! Forward ho!

BTW, does anyone on here use Twitter? It's something I've been meaning to figure out for a long time, and I thought it might be a useful supplement to the blog. Thoughts?