Day Forty-Six

I'm going to go ahead and admit it.

I want a cookie.

I really want a cookie.

It doesn't help that Karlee has a batch of them sitting on the counter. Or that she made cupcakes today, of all things! And they're just sitting there. Temptingly.

Ugh. But I've been doing really well with resisting...that little voice in my head keeps urging me to just try a little bite of cookie, or take just a little swipe of icing. But my healthy eating voice has been louder so far! I took out some of my cookie frustrations on pounding almonds up for the tilapia I made for dinner, which helped. Cooking something tasty for dinner makes me less anxious for satisfaction through sweets. I also redirected with fat free whipped cream and a kashi bar, which helped a lot. It's a fight though. Guess that's the point, right?

But so far so good. I just keep telling myself that now is good practice for Christmas, when the sweets will be much more tempting!

Besides resisting cookies, I also took my 30 minute walk today, despite the temptation to skip it. It was freezing, and I had other stuff I preferred to be doing, and I had pretty much decided I wasn't going to go. Then I stopped myself, thought "Just take the dang walk, Campbell," and got out there. It was COLD. I wore mittens and a fleece jacket but my arms and thighs were still pretty numb by the time I got back. But it still felt really good to get it done. Especially considering how much I didn't want to! Victory #2.

I made Almond and Parmesan Baked Tilapia for dinner (from Kalyn's Kitchen...what would I do without her?), which was delicious. This means a lot coming from me, as I'm definitely not a fan of fish. I was supposed to use almond meal, but because I didn't have any, I just ground up some almonds I had in the pantry, which worked out fine. Here's a picture:

I also made a variation of Kalyn's South Beach-Friendly Tartar Sauce, but I didn't have any plain Greek yogurt, so I used reduced fat sour cream instead. It was delish!

So that was a treat! I would say, in all, the day went well. I didn't have any pressing homework, I got to take a little break, which was nice. One more week until I'm officially done with the semester!

Today's food:

Breakfast

Egg Mcmuffin - 300 (I know, not my best choice. But I was out of milk and desperate)

Lunch

Scrambled eggs w/ spinach and goat cheese - 233

Veggie sausage links - 80

Dinner

Almond and Parmesan baked tilapia - 230 (approx.)

Grape tomatoes - 9

Sauce - 70

Snacks

Leftover meatballs - 165

Kashi fruit and grain bar - 120

Fat-free whipped cream - 50

Snow cream pop - 45

Cup skim milk - 86 

Total: 1388

Day Nineteen

I'm being bludgeoned by schoolwork again! Of course, as usual, all of my big assignments seem to come together like the perfect storm. I have a Biology test Thursday and two papers, one due Thursday, the other on Friday. I guess it's nice of my professors not to have it all fall the week before Thanksgiving break, but still, I'm kind of tearing my hair out.

But despite the heavy load, I got a 25 minute walk in today! I've decided that if I don't do it as soon as I get home from class, it simply won't get done. So I took my new tennis shoes for a test drive (they're sooo comfortable! And so much better than my old ones!) and took three laps around the 'hood. It was a little warm for my taste, but I managed all the same. Great progress there...I'm usually great at coming up with excuses not to exercise, and today I had plenty to choose from. But I just made up my mind and did it and it felt awesome!

I've periodically been observing small details about my current weight loss endeavor that set it apart from past efforts. For example, often when I got on a "health kick" in the past I get waaaaay ahead of myself, imagining all the cute stuff I'm finally going to be able to wear when I get "skinny" and how much easier shopping will be, etc. etc. I count my chickens before they hatch. But I've found that when wearing cute clothes and getting skinny are my ultimate goals, I get frustrated very quickly, because the weight doesn't come off fast enough, and I end up resorting to old habits to console myself. This time around, however, those things are much further from my mind. The goal isn't to achieve an idealistic body type or to have more fun at the mall. It's much bigger and broader than that this time - what I relish in now, I've found, is simply healthier living. The beauty of that is I can see the results of it everyday! I'm rewarded not somewhere down the road, but in the here and now, every time I eat a healthy meal, every time I go out and get exercise. It's amazing, really, because it's a mindset I never though myself capable of adopting. I don't think so much about how great it's going to be when I look the way I want to, but rather how happy my body must be about the excellent treatment it's getting, and how liberating and empowering it is to be actively working, day by day, to improve myself and my life. Even though I haven't lost enough weight to really notice, I see the change in my energy levels, in my optimistic, can-do attitude, in the peace I feel at the end of every day that comes with the knowledge that there's hope for me after all.

And now I'm in tears. Lol. Happy tears, of course! I didn't realize until I wrote that last bit how very little hope I had (up until now, of course) that I could ever get my act together. Again, I don't want to count my chickens, as I'm always very cautious when trusting myself with new "projects," but this doesn't feel like a passing fad to me anymore. It feels like something I can do, that I want to do, that I enjoy doing, and that I can keep doing for life. I'm not saying I won't ever stumble, or that I'm cured of my food issues forever. But I feel more capable of dealing with them now, now that I've discovered my ability to exert control over it. To be able to say that I'm in control of my food, and not the other way around, is something I've never really been able to claim in the past.

I owe a lot of all this to all of you wonderful people that have been reading and commenting. It gives me so much strength to know that the people who love me are with me in this. This is a battle I can't fight on my own, and reaching out has proved to be the most effective weight loss strategy I've ever come up with. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

On a lighter note, I had a lovely grilled zucchini and tomato salad for dinner today, thanks to Kalyn's Kitchen...

Otherwise, I was pretty ho-hum with food today. With all the studying and paper writing I did, I really didn't have time to spare for anything more. This week, actually, might be a little boring foodwise, as I didn't plan anything out (I have to eat up all my leftovers before going home for Thanksgiving!), but I'll try to make at least one thing a day that's picture-worthy. Makes the post look so much more interesting. :)

Here's food:

Breakfast

Kashi Heart-to-Heart - 160

Greek yogurt w/ blueberries - 140

Lunch

Chicken and provolone roll-ups - 223

Gala apple (SO delicious!) - 53

Dinner

Grilled zucchini Greek salad - 197

Snacks

Mini pepperoni - 52

1 tbsp peanut butter - 100

Sugar-free Jell-o (Banana Fudge, yum!) - 60

Total: 985

Day Fifteen

So I weighed in today and I'm two more pounds down! That's a total of five pounds! Right on track. Makes me feel so good to know what I'm doing is working!

I also got out and took a walk today! I came home and decided to do it before I did anything else...that always works best for me. I made three laps around the complex and it took me around 25 minutes. Hooray!

This will be a short post...I have a bad headache and the internet isn't working so well right now. But here's a picture of lunch:

Recipe courtesy Kalyn's Kitchen.

Anyways, here is food for today...

Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios - 220

Lunch
Tomato and cucumber salad - 171

Dinner
Broiled shrimp - 100
Cauliflower "mashed potatoes" - 31
Spinach, tomato, feta, and olive salad - 147

Snacks
Turkey snack bites - 40
Weight watchers chocolate pop - 130

Total: 839

Day Twelve

So I just realized today how much I've left my exercise to the last minute! I'm thinking of counting exercise starting on Monday instead of Friday, because Friday really creeps up on you if you don't get any exercise done over the weekend! I took a 20 minute walk today, so that was good, but I need to get on the ball and stop putting it off! It's so easy to let the week get away from you.

By the way, isn't my new blog background the cutest? I got it and the last one from here, they have so many cute things. Anyways, here's what I cooked today...

Green Bean and Tomato Salad from Veggie Num Num

It was delicious! I added a bit of feta cheese, because I can't seem to have olives on salad without it!

Gus was very interested in it too...

So that was fun. Then for dinner, I had some incredible spicy broiled shrimp, once again from Kalyn's Kitchen...

SO yummy, but HOT! I used Weber cajun seasoning and I'll be sure to use less next time, because my mouth was on FIRE! But it was still delicious!

I'm really getting into this whole cooking healthy stuff thing. Before, my typical dinner consisted of macaroni and cheese, usually worsened by a dollop of sour cream, a chunk of butter, and real cheese (I justified it because they were all "light"). It feels so much better not only to be eating right, but to actually have some variety in my food! I was afraid I wouldn't have the energy to cook, but I actually get excited about it! It's so helpful to have it planned out beforehand, because I can get revved up about it before I have to make it. Yes, it's more expensive, and yes, it's much more trouble, but it feels so much better. Plus it's good practice for having to cook for more than just myself someday!

Also I've gotten addicted to these olives:

They are AMAZING. Seriously, I pop them like candy. They're mild but incredibly flavorful at the same time...I just love them. Both the black and green varieties are great. I actually have like three different types of olives in the fridge right now, but I always reach for these first.

So here's what I ate today...

Breakfast

2 Egg muffins - 320 (I love these! They kept me pretty full until I got home from class at 2:30!)

Lunch

Green bean & tomato salad - 254

Greek yogurt -140

Dinner

Spicy broiled shrimp -168 

Snacks

Greek Yogurt - 140 (Still addicted)

2 tablespoons peanut butter - 200

15 olives - 75 (I told you. Like candy.)

Turkey pepperoni - 70

1 glass skim milk - 86 (a must with peanut butter)

Total: 1453

Hope you're all doing well!

Day Four

Better day today! Don't know what made the difference, but the energy came back. I didn't have my pills today either, and I was a little worried about being overwhelmed by cravings, but I ended up doing fine. I didn't get any dedicated exercise again, but I walked around campus, then spent an hour and half trolling Wal-Mart with Karlee. I won't say it was aerobic in any way, but at least I was moving around! We're going to try and do some serious walking tomorrow, so that will be good.

I got a few low carb snack ideas, like turkey pepperoni and deviled eggs. Will probably make the deviled eggs tomorrow. I also had a really delicious salad for lunch today, as pictured below...

Alas, the chicken and eggplant casserole was thwarted again tonight. Karlee and I ran around town doing errands and didn't get back until 8, and I had totally forgotten to defrost the chicken. I'm determined to make it for tomorrow though!

What else to report? Walking past the table of cupcakes and halloween treats at Wal-Mart was surprisingly easy. I mean, they looked good, but something about committing to this diet thing has me in a mindset were I know I can't have it, so I don't really miss it much. Yet. :) I considered buying some sugar-free candy, but then realized I was probably better off doing without. Eating a bunch of sugar-free candy isn't changing my habits, it's just business as usual with slightly healthier food. So we're avoiding that. I do have the sugar-free brown cow jr. pops that I'm kind of addicted to, but I can't really binge on those and it's a nice treat to keep me sane. :)

Another good thing this is helping me do is eat a real meal for lunch rather than just munching around and not paying attention to what I'm eating. I often skip lunch or just snack until dinner. This way it's a much more conscious thing, and I'm not ravenous by the time dinner comes around.

Anyways, today's food was:

Breakfast
1 cup Whole Grain Cheerios (I know, not phase one, but they're only 110 calories per serving and I have a bunch of it in the pantry that I'd rather not waste. Plus I don't really have time to make eggs during the week)
Non-fat Strawberry Greek Yogurt - 140

Lunch
Balsamic Tomato and Mozzerella Salad (South Beach recipe...YUM YUM YUM) - 250

Dinner
Meat and cheese plate w/ turkey slices, turkey pepperoni, and fresh mozzerella cheese - 304
Spinach souffle - 200

Snacks
Brown cow jr. (2) - 160
Almonds w/ sea salt & olive oil - 85
Slim jim (2) - 80

Total: 1329!

Can that total be right? It feels like it should be more...for the first time today, I didn't feel that hungry, or like I hadn't had enough to eat. I'm definitely going to have to make that salad again, it was really good.

Thanks to everyone for you continuing encouragement! It's really been keeping me going. I love you all!